Chronicles of Hogwart's Food
by Snake-Head
Summary: Hermione goes missing when the Hogwart's food goes really bad. A oneshot funny thingy... yeah... REALLY WEIRDLY STUPID! hehehee


Title: Chronicles of Hogwart's Food.  
  
Author: UndyingWisdom*Snake-Head  
  
Rating: G  
  
Summary: Hermione goes missing when the Hogwart's food goes really bad. A short one-shot funny thingy... yeah...  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own any of it ok? Just leave me alone you weird PEOPLE!!!  
  
Harry and Ron ran through the halls from their Gryffindor dormitory, down to the Great Hall for breakfast. They were late and only had about ten minutes left. They rounded the last corner and skidded through the doors. Quietly, they stopped to regain their composure. They strode over to their table and sat down next to Ron's sister, Ginny.  
  
"Where's Hermione?" Harry asked the small girl through a mouthful of toast.  
  
"I don't know. She left early this morning. Probably off to the library to do more knitting for the house-elves."  
  
Ron scooped some porridge into his bowl and sniffed it.  
  
"Hey Harry," he said, "This porridge smells weird."  
  
"Well, maybe they've changed the ingredients," Harry replied.  
  
Ron shrugged and shoved the spoon into his mouth. Instantly, he gagged, holding his throat as if he were poisoned. Harry looked at him, and Ron pushed the bowl away.  
  
"Harry," choked Ron, "I want you to look after Pig for me."  
  
Harry laughed.  
  
"I'm serious. This stuff'll kill ya!"  
  
"Yeah, sure Ron," the dark-haired boy smiled.  
  
"Try it! See if you like it!"  
  
Harry picked up the spoon and tentatively tasted the lukewarm mush. He chewed and though for what Ron thought was about 2.5 seconds before coughing and spitting it out.  
  
"What IS that?" he exclaimed.  
  
"Porridge," shrugged Ron.  
  
"Something's gone wrong if THAT'S meant to be porridge!"  
  
"Yeah, well. Someone screwed up, that's all."  
  
"Screwed up BIG time. Well, at least we have lunch to look forward to."  
  
But Harry and Ron didn't go to lunch. Because they had such a great day (no Potions) and had a double of Defence Against the Dark Arts in the morning, they stayed in the classroom to practise what they had learned that lesson. That night, however, they went to dinner.  
  
"Where's Hermione?" Ron asked Harry.  
  
"I dunno. I haven't seen her all day".  
  
"Either. You don't think she's hurt do you?"  
  
"Nah... We would've been told by McGonnagal or someone," Harry sounded confident, but he was worried.  
  
"Well, we'll see her in the common room for sure."  
  
Harry nodded and sat down beside his friend.  
  
Magically, a feast of sausages, ham, salads, baked vegetables, fried vegetables, omelettes, and fruits appeared on the table in front of them.  
  
They were so hungry that they made a mess just getting the food onto their plates. They poured themselves hot chocolate and stared at their food eagerly. All of a sudden they buried their faces in the meats, only to find that the dinner was just as horrible as breakfast. Simultaneously, they crept out of the hall with only one thing on their minds. They were headed to the kitchen. There was something going on wit the food in the castle and these two were going to find out what. Quietly, they tip toed down two flights of stairs until they reached a canvas of a bowl of fruit. Ron reached over and softly tickled the pear. The two boys stared as it morphed into a small doorway. Harry crawled through first, followed closely by the red-haired boy.  
  
As soon as they stepped out they were surrounded by a swarm of tiny green house-elves. All of them were eager to serve the students to their every need.  
  
"We just want to know what's happening with the food!" yelled Ron, over all the clatter.  
  
The elves parted and pointed to four long kitchen sinks, situated under the four house tables above. Normally, the sinks were replaced by tables and chopping boards for the food to be sent up through the floor above. Now, there were dirty dishes and glasses everywhere. The small creatures were talking amongst themselves until a girl appeared from a cupboard.  
  
"Hermione!" exclaimed Harry, "Where have you been all day?"  
  
The girl looked at the boys, in shock. "Why, I've been down here, helping the elves with their work. What are YOU doing here?" She raised a suspicious eyebrow.  
  
"Us?" said Ron, "We just want to know why the food's been so bad all day."  
  
"Well, I don't know. I was working at the Gryffindor table," replied Hermione.  
  
"So why does it taste like it's been sitting on a sunny railway track in the city for three weeks?" argued Ron.  
  
"Ah, Ron..." said Harry, a look of realisation dawning on his pale face.  
  
Hermione smiled sheepishly. "I was only trying to help!" 


End file.
